A mouse had just been eaten by a cat. ‘I suppose,’ he said to himself, ‘I suppose that I should have liked to keep on living. But at least,’ he said, he said to himself, ‘At least I had an ironic death.’
‘Did you say,’ asked Death, whom the mouse suddenly noticed, ‘Did you say that you had had an ironic death?’
‘I did,’ said the mouse, tugging on his whiskers. ‘I did say that, for that is what I have had. And I am mighty glad of it. You see, for as long as I knew what irony was, I have always wanted an ironic death. In fact, I wanted one more than anything else in the world, except for perhaps no death at all.’
‘Ah,’ said Death, tugging on his own whiskers.
‘But,’ said the mouse, ‘surely you know how I died. You are, are you not, Death?’
‘Ah’, said Death, tugging on his own whiskers.
‘Surely,’ said the mouse, ‘surely you are Death, are you not?’
‘I am Death,’ agreed Death.
‘And surely,’ said the mouse, ‘surely in that case you know how I died.’
‘Ah,’ said Death, tugging for the sake of variety on the mouse’s whiskers. ‘Ah, certainly I do. But it is in question is whether you know how you died.’
‘But surely,’ said the mouse, ‘surely I must know how I died.’
‘Ah,’ said Death, who had gone back to his own whiskers.
‘Now that you mention it,’ said the mouse, ‘I struggle to recall. Indeed, it is a curious thing that I should struggle to recall what can only just have happened.’
‘But,’ said the mouse, ‘whatever the specifics, it must have been ironic. I have been preparing for a long time, filling my house with safety signs with finely honed edges, and repainting every day BEWARE THE PIT’ in the wettest paint I could find. The pit itself, well, it is a larder full of the finest cheese, set to last me even in the longest famine. It is also very deep.’
‘I have seen it,’ said Death. ‘It is a very fine pit.’
‘A very fine pit, indeed,’ said the mouse. ‘And if you have seen it, surely it is that very fine and, if I may allow myself, deeply ironic pit that has sent me to my grave.’
‘Alas,’ said Death. ‘You were eaten by a cat.’
The cat was enjoying a period of digestion. ‘Silly little mouse,’ he thought to himself. ‘You could probably have escaped if you weren’t concentrating so hard on that painting.’