I am here. I am here, and not a penny out of pocket, ‘though I am myself out of such a pocket as I ever had. The words are in my ear: STOP STOP WHERE YOU ARE STOP DO NOT MOVE STOP. They are in my ear, they are all in my ear, but how? I am on the floor in the kitchen. I can see the breath leaving me. I can feel the throb of the Dies Irae. I can smell the spice and tobacco smoke.
Not a lonely maggot in sight. There is not a lonely, lowly maggot in sight. That is, there are a thousand maggots, or ten thousand, and each is in the bosom of his brother. I am alone. There is no worm, lonely or not. Perhaps they have all been eaten. Perhaps I have been eaten, and the maggots have been eaten, and the worms have not, and we are in the stomach of a curious bird.
A phone will ring soon. It will be Micah, asking if he can pop round for tea. I will answer if I can, and tell him no, that I am away, very much away, ’though I will be sorry to miss him. Perhaps he will call my daughter, and they will talk about me for a while, ‘though neither has anything to say. But I am not sure that I even have a daughter, that is, I am not sure that what I have is what a daughter is.
I will send for an ambulance. I will send for an ambulance, ‘though I know it will not come.
A shocking thing has happened. Let me learn, let me learn.